so we never have to talk about dr. K again.  why? because my mom just shut it down.  yup, pam got Queens with dr. K’s office.

after my last post my mom told me to give her the number, and she would call to straighten things out. so i figured i would let her give it a try before i had all of you call and harrass the office (eventhough i kind of wanted that to happen after how rude those girls were to me).  my mom also could not believe the disorganization (she had to call three times before she spoke with someone who listened and apologized), and when the doc finally called her back today, she ended with a promise to fax over the test results.  we are still waiting by the way.  the doc blamed her “help” and said they are ruining her practice, that she is so so sorry blah blah blah… same story i heard when i was there that day, waiting forever for my tests to be faxed over. pam says that the phone conversation made her nervous, that dr. K is all over the place, disorganized, etc..

it seems to me they are a scam op.  either way, i am never going back there.  another doctor, another disappointment.  i really do not trust anyone but myself to cure this mystery.

a rainy day means that i have been super achy today but i am trying to stay up.  i’ve had a pretty rough two weeks (i’m sure you can notice by the tone of my posts) so i am trying so hard to get back to a positive place.  i have always been so good at talking to myself, keeping myself strong and positive, and calming myself down when i am scared.  i find it harder and harder to do for some reason, it’s like i don’t have any more energy for it or something.  and lately i have been scared a lot.  i can’t figure it out but i’m missing this “thing” lately.  this thing that usually gets me through the really hard times.   i just feel so so tired that i can’t even deal and it’s been an icky cycle.  sick and tired of being sick and tired as my friend the Kid says.

so, i am hoping that i get a break and i start feeling good again.  maybe it was a phase, maybe it is the diet, who knows but i need to start feeling a bit better to lift my spirits a bit.  just so i know everything i am doing is not in vain!

i will get better. one hundred percent.  i guess i am just being impatient.  it’s easy to be so when you feel shitty.

i’ll start by talking to myself again “i am strong, i am healthy, everything is going to be alright”…