So, I don’t really sleep anymore.  At least that’s what it seems like.  The past two weeks have been especially bad. I don’t sleep for more than a couple of hours a night. Literally two hours.  I watch the sun come up.  I listen to the early morning sounds of the street cleaners and I count the first couple of steps on the sidewalk in front. It’s maddening.

Last night I couldn’t take it anymore so I took some meds (anti-anxiety) to finally get some rest.  I hate reaching for them because it’s one more med in my body but it had to be done. The same goes for painkillers. So, I am wide awake as usual at 3am.  The only difference tonight is that I am sitting here hunched over in pain.

My stomach has been feeling pretty good.  If I do say so myself, I have been amazing at keeping my diet (I hate calling it a diet because that implies losing weight and let me be clear:  I want to gain weight, please)!  So, here I am, eating boring meals to prevent my stomach episodes and when they start up I get totally annoyed.  I start to think about why and I truly don’t understand how things can go wrong if I am putting so much effort into prevention.  It always surprises me.

The most important thing is that the pain does not reach another level so I will continue to sit here, drink my magical tea (my acupuncturist is also an herbalist), and hug my water bottle (filled with scolding water).  Sigh.

I’m going to watch something funny on tv in hopes of distraction.