Last night I was well on my way to one of those awful, mysterious attacks I get with my stomach.  Awake for hours pacing, then fetal position, then back to pacing, I finally had to make a decision.  Was I going to let this get to the point of no return or reach for the diesel “in case of emergency” painkillers my docs prescribed for these situations.

No longer able to deal with any sort of pain, I decided to go for the painkillers at 4am.  I have never injected myself with anything before so that was quite the mind trip.  Finally I just did it, BAM! Needle right into the fattiest part of my stomach that I managed to grab and pinch upward hoping to numb the actual needle itself.  As the glorious liquid made itself into my bloodstream the feeling of relief was unbelievable.  So crazy what these drugs can do for you.  I am so grateful that I have this as a reserve for when bad stuff goes down.  It made me feel safe.  In a story without these heavy duty painkillers I would have wound up in an awful ER writhing in pain for hours trying to explain a most confusing, rare, and mysterious condition to tired doctors that do not know me.

After it kicked in I was finally able to lie down flat in my bed and eventually fell asleep.  I woke 12 hours later with the most consecutive sleep in weeks and bliss on my face.  I was still in pain, and a bit sore and naush, but nothing compared to past episodes.  I was saved by my injection and I was so grateful to have something in my pocket to deal with a problem that has long plagued me. Felt great.

Then, of course I was scared to eat again today.  It messes with my head so much. I am so fearful of pain that I am terrified to eat.

I cannot put into words how very happy I am that I avoided the hospital.  To me, that would be the worst possible thing for me at this point.  I shudder at the thought of being at the mercy of an ER.

Sleepy now.

Good night.