Wide awake. It’s 4:52 am as I write this. Some nights everything is just too much for me. Some nights everything hits my brain at full force and I can’t focus on one thought long enough to make sense of it all. There is so much residual build up from the trauma of the past two years: emotions, deep feelings, relationships, twists and ties that sit unsettled in my gut. I find it hard to navigate and the panic and anxiety take over. Tonight is one of those nights. I’ve resorted to Xanax which doesn’t seem to work anymore. My head feels heavy, and like something has a grip of it. The headache is everywhere. Body is restless and tired at the same time (strange, I know). Wish there were an easy cure for this torture. Time, they all tell me, will make it better. All seem less heavy. And so I wait. Now I’ll lie here and watch the light creep in the window and I’ll have accomplished nothing but bags under my eyes.