While I am happy to say I have had a pretty good run the past several days I am not so great today.  I have a big day at Columbia tomorrow and I am always anxious the day before I head up to the hospital. I hate being up there in those buildings.  I am instantly transported to a “bad” place.

The thing is, I am feeling so great and then I am put in this position where I am a “patient” again.  “Sick” again.  My focus today and tomorrow is just being me, as I am now, and not letting this all get into my head.  I have to stay up and pretty much ignore what is going on.  Pretty hard when I have to drink some nasty stuff, get xrays, talk to doctors, etc…

One of the things I have going on that I haven’t mentioned here yet is a trouble swallowing.  It’s part of the Scleroderma… your esophagus loses its motility.  Stops working properly.  Often I cannot get food down without water and even then it hurts.  Sometimes swallowing water is a challenge!  We have to look closely to see what’s happening because I eventually need a “trans-esophageal echo cardiogram” of my heart to take a closer look at the leaky valve.  Of course, they can’t shove equipment down my throat until they do some tests to see what is going on down there that is preventing me from swallowing.  Annoying.

So, I prepare today.  Feeling a bit gloomy from the weather and I just want it all to be over already.