Cardiologist yesterday.  This Doc is old school.  He’s at the top of my list when it comes to doctors I trust.  We looked at my heart over the echo cardiogram machine.  We checked out that leaky creaky valve.  It is, in fact leaking much more than it did at the beginning of the summer (this Doc had noticed it then, but it was so insignificant he didn’t mention it or worry about it).  He said it was moderate, giving it a 2+ to 3 (4 or 4+ is severe).

He did mention that the leak will, over time, put extra stress on my left ventricle (bad) causing it to dilate and become stretched out and damaged (very bad).  At that point there is nothing that can be done to preserve the heart.  Then we’re talking transplant.
So, the idea is to fix the valve (first they have to determine if they will be able to even do so), and keep the heart intact and pumping efficiently.  The only way to fix it according to the docs I trust?  Open heart surgery.

I am still wishing it all away.  Wishing that my valve magically goes back to closing up tight when it contracts.  Wishing I didn’t have to say or type the words “open heart surgery.”

I have a couple of plans up my sleeve and there are a few more tests to be done before any decisions are made.  My doc said yesterday this isn’t an easy decision.  Huge understatement there.

I can’t help but to be upset over the news.  Upset that my Ticker is going through such a tough time in there.   Upset that my life has been doctors doctors tests doctors for the past 5 weeks.  I need OUT for awhile.  It’s messing with my head.

Tonight I convince myself, mind and body, that I am perfectly healthy and my heart is whole, strong and untouched. If I truly believe it my body has to as well.  Right?