It’s no secret that a hospital stay is always a sure bet when it comes to yours truly feeling like she is moving backwards.  This last one was no different, and it certainly messed with the momentum I had gained early in the year when it came to feeling so healthy and confident in my healing routine and getting out of the house.

A lot has happened and I haven’t written about it mostly because I find myself in a familiar state of trying to understand it all.  I’m taking a lot in and my life is very overwhelming –which isn’t a bad thing.  There’s the usual efforts and routines of living with a chronic illness and taking excellent care of oneself, but my life took a new trajectory back in February when I made a decision to take a new path, one that is complimentary to Western medicine yet not without skepticism.

It’s all about Orthomolecular Medicine for me right now.  Basically, I keep to a special diet and very large doses of vitamins (there is so much more behind that statement but it will take some time to explain).  It’s intense, hardcore, but I am so happy to actually be “DOING” something.  The most terrible part of the past three years is when i was told that there is nothing I can do, that things will take their course, and I couldn’t avoid ending up with a heart transplant.  But there is no way I could accept a “sentence”.  I always knew there was something out there that I can do.  I have control over whether or not I take part in this intense regime and althought it’s tough swallowing 36 pills first thing in the morning, I look forward to taking my vitamins every single day.  I am feeding life to my heart again.

I’ve had some mind bending, earth shaking, deeply philosophical moments over the past two months, ones that I hope to share when I can find the appropriate way to express myself.  Most exciting and beautiful are all of the things I continue to learn about myself, and of course, about other human beings.  Layers and layers and layers… fascinating. Sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes joyful, but fascinating nonetheless.

Tomorrow is a big day for me.  Heart check up at Columbia Presb.  We are taking a peak into the valves and walls of my heart with an Echocardiogram first thing in the morning…   I cannot wait.

I can feel things changing inside of me. If things go the way I think they will tomorrow, we will have something to celebrate this weekend!