I’ve been working extremely hard the past few months. I mean, I’ve always considered healing to be my full-time job but recently it has really taken over my life again. I am 1000% dedicated (absorbed in, obsessed with) healing my heart. For me it’s the one and only thing on my mind at all times. Since the very beginning of 2011 I’ve been on a new plan… It is all about Orthomolecular Medicine!
As I’ve vaguely mentioned here before, this new focus includes MEGA doses of vitamins and a special diet avoiding foods that I have come to find out I am allergic to (which turned out to be practically everything). It has been one hell of a few months… Major ups and downs, but I’m actually grateful to have a plan. The doctor who oversees this approach is a genius in his field, a true pioneer, and it was a task to even get in to see him. At any given moment there is a 500 person wait-list to get an appointment with this wonderful man and I was determined to get in front of him no matter what. Through shear determination, support, prayer, and a whole lot of luck, the universe clicked and I was able to become his patient –and have since been on his plan! I am working 24/7 to get my heart healed. It’s been intense. Very intense. And I am swallowing hundreds of pills of vitamins per week. This is my one and only hope so I’m all about it.
There’s so much going on it’s tough to explain it all here in one post but this approach is one that is cleansing my body of a virus that we think hit my heart and was still lurking in there somewhere. This means, I get worse before I get better and let me tell you, my pain flare ups and general fatigue have been off the charts. I am white-knuckling it most days but I just keep focused on the larger picture: that it is possible to heal myself, that my heart can and WILL get better! (It has to. This will go no other way). There are a few signs as of late that show my this may actually be working… I’ve gained weight (which is a HUGE plus)! For three years I haven’t been able to put on weight and I am actually looking more like “Lauren” these days; not so drawn out and sickly. I also walk any chance I get and I find that I can walk blocks and blocks without getting short of breath. Just a couple of shimmering glimmers of hope that get me through the days.
It has been intense. So intense, in fact, I’ve been in “hiding” somewhat. It’s not sadness or depression, I just feel so different from everyone else at times. My reality is quite different from the reality of anyone else my age that I often feel misunderstood, or at a loss of things to talk about besides my health and vitamins, foods, nutrition, etc.
So these days it’s all about balance. My goal for the summer is to allow for other aspects of my life to exist with my healing routine. It can’t all be black and white. I’m getting my support group back on track (it sort of fell by the way side when I wound up in the hospital in April), and I think connecting with other women my age who deal with chronic illnesses is a good way to manage and connect on a level that I feel is missing in my life right now. Baby steps.
A few images of a day in the life on my new treatment:
This is my breakfast dose. I divide, organize, and package my vitamins according to doses (Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Bedtime) and I’ll do one week’s worth at a time. The reason for this is so I make it easier for myself, of course, but also because I HAVE TO… seeing that I take so many vitamins there is not a single pill organizer that can hold my doses!