I was not feeling well enough on the night of the Rager to stand up and make a speech, and I feel badly about it because there are so many people I’d like to thank. I decided instead to share something here:
On Thursday night I was overwhelmed (in a good way). When I got inside I took a moment to soak it all in. It was gorgeous. I looked around the room at the faces who came out to support me. I saw familiar faces, old friends, many from Prep, from my childhood, close friends and their families, new friends, co workers old and new, clients, past bosses, some people who I had only met for the first time on Thursday, and my family. My heart was warmed with love and kindness, and I thought to myself; there are some things that I’ve experienced on this journey that I’d like to forget. There were scary times or hospital stays from which I thought I wouldn’t recover or get over, but on Thursday I realized that if I had never gone through the dark times I wouldn’t have the opportunity to experience such a celebration of my life –to experience first hand the loving kindness, thoughtfulness, and selfless support in that room. For this, I am forever grateful and I wish I could find the words to truly express how much it does for me, how much my spirits have been lifted, and how much magic these feelings bring to my every day. It makes it all a little bit easier to deal with, and this gives me the strength to continue on and reach my goal. After four years I’m finding it hard to cope or find acceptance and patience at times. Thursday gave me the spark I needed at this point to ignite that fight in me to continue on without fear.
It’s important to me to take a moment and talk about the girls who put this together, my bad ass friends who didn’t stop for months to make this night special for me. These girls all have full-time jobs and busy lives and yet every week they sat in my apartment to meet about the Rager. They made countless phone calls and wrote countless emails, they pushed themselves to the limits to make this happen, and again I find I am at a loss for words to properly express my gratitude and love for these special ladies. I would do the same for each one of them if I had to, and our bond was only made stronger by the Rager. I love them all.
To my mom, aunt Cyn, and friends’ moms who worked the event, my sisters and their friends, to the food vendors and liquor sponsors, volunteers (including Dee&Ricky and their lego hearts) and raffle sellers, everyone who donated auction/raffle items, the DJ’s Brad and DJ Angola… I thank you. You all completed this special evening and it couldn’t have been done without your support and love.
I hope you all had fun and I hope each one of you felt the love in the room. I certainly did. I also hope you remind yourself each day that you are a part of my healing journey, an essential part of my drive to get better, and the reason I can dedicate my life to continue healing full-time. You each have a part of my heart so think good thoughts and send those perfect healthy heart vibes my way. I know we’ll get there, I know I will be healthy with a perfect heart.
A million thank you’s.