I have three heart doctors; heart failure, heart transplant, and EP -which is the doctor for the electricity of the heart, who takes care of my pacemaker defibrillator. It was a surprise to me initially that there are multiple doctors for the heart, that Western Medicine has become so specialized, I have three doctors dedicated to one organ!

Anyway, my heart failure doctor fit me in last minute for a check up yesterday when I called to tell him how I’ve been feeling lately. This waiting room is a particularly hard one to wait in. It is a very old practice so all of the patients in the waiting room with me are usually 60 and above, and a lot of then are 80 and above. They all look at me and think I’m waiting for a parent or a grandparent, and they are surprised when the doc calls my name.

My mind wanders as I sit here. I look around and I wonder about my very own old age. How I aspire to be a healthy 80 and 90-something year old. I wonder about my heart, and how long I’ll get to keep my own. I wonder when I will overcome this all and have the full life I dream of. And I find myself hoping that when I do make it to 70/80/90 years old, I will not have to spend those years in doctor’s waiting rooms. No. I did that in my 20′s, when I should have been working or at the gym or just plain enjoying being young. So if I put in my time now, it is only fair that I get to skip the whole doctor deal in my old age right? Every so often I think about the hours and hours I’ve spent in doctor waiting rooms and I add it up, and it makes me feel sad. So many hours.

I know my heart will heal. I just have to believe.

Update: I’m not going to say what’s wrong because I want you all to picture my heart in a healthy perfect state only. But heart must be monitored closely and I have to rest this week. Doctor’s orders.