Been feeling well the past couple of days.
On the days I have energy I try to fit TONS of stuff in. Errands, fun, friends, house work, arranging bills and talking on the phone with hospitals (exhausting)… everything. Sure, I push myself to the limits doing this but I never know how long these “good” stretches will last so I want to use every single minute. My body doesn’t ache, I am not short of breath, I’m gonna keep riding this wave… (and I won’t sit here and wonder why!)
Weeeeeee
Today is the day of the Red Dress Collection fashion show!
You can watch the show LIVE, it will be streaming from this link. Maybe you’ll even catch a glimpse of me. It starts at 7 pm (est) tonight.
I’ll be taking plenty of pics.
The Ticker in a snowstorm
Currently Reading:
The Tao of Wu by The Rza
I love stories about people who take themselves from very bad situations and rise like a pheonix. Or stories where you’re born in the projects of Brooklyn, grow up in the projects of Staten Island, and despite many obstacles become a successful business man, rapper, producer, and music composer (just to name a few) like the Rza. He used every phase of his life as a lesson and acted accordingly. He studied under a Shaolin Monk which brings us to this book where The Rza shares his code in his seven pillars of wisdom.
I am obsessed with this magical quality that humans possess deep inside where some can turn things around for themselves. It’s something only a certain type of person taps into. When I read books like this one I wonder, what is the difference between these “certain” types and the ones who cannot go inside to dig deep and find it within themselves to live? Really live? To find a path to happiness and self love?
I read story after story about men and women who have cured and healed themselves hoping to find the answer to my questions.
I want to live many different chapters of my life while I’m on this planet. I cannot wait for the time when we look back and all of this medical stuff seems so far away that I can’t remember feeling sick or what it’s like to be scared of your body. I know it will happen, I just get impatient sometimes.
I have plans to look further into therapies like Biofeedback Therapy to manage my chronic pain as opposed to painkillers and meds. I can’t go one like this forever –in pain and exhausted for about 70% of my life.
It’s been on my mind for a while now to give it a try. I found this article interesting. I am always amazed at how slow the “medical community” is on the mind body connection. It was only in very recent history that this has become an acceptable thought in the medical world.
They are finally acknowledging legitemate treatments like acupuncture, cognitive behavior therapy and bio feedback therapy as medicine! Great news. I look back and wonder what took so long? Another twenty years from now this “lag” will seem ridiculous to everyone, not just some of us.
I’ve been waiting until I received my invite to talk about this exciting news… and it came today!
I have been asked to attend the Red Dress Collection Fashion Show this Thursday at the launch of Fashion Week in NYC.
I will be representing Wellsphere, an online health community where my blog is featured in the “heart health” section. Wellsphere has kindly asked me to attend and cover the event on SaveLaurensHeart! Of course, I said yes. I support what Wellsphere represents, as well as the reason for the Red Dress Collection: Awareness.
“The Heart Truth created and introduced The Red Dress as the national symbol for women and heart disease awareness in 2002 to deliver an urgent wake-up call to American women. The Red Dress reminds women of the need to protect their heart health and inspires them to take action. Each February since its launch, The Red Dress symbol has come to life on the runway with the support of the fashion industry and celebrity models at the Red Dress Collection Fashion Show.”
This is very real for me for my own personal reasons (obviously) as well as recent news that at the young age of 50 my mother has PAD, a buildup of plaque in her arteries which, if she does not change her lifestyle could lead to serious heart disease. That makes two parents with artery gunk. Awareness, paying attention to your bodies, and taking care of yourselves is so incredibly important –especially for all you fabulous ladies out there. We run ourselves down and forget that without our health we have nothing (yea I’m talking to you mom).
I can’t wait to show you pictures and tell you all about it!
(click above to hear song)
I like this song because I feel like it’s an appropriate soundtrack to my doctor and hospital visits. It evokes this mechanical robotic vibe and it feels very institutional. Yet, her singing is melodic over it all which is sort of how I try to approach days like today. There is a lot of harsh reality surrounding me, and I may get upset, but my positive thoughts and strong hope are the equivalent to her soothing tone of voice over the oppressive clanking and hammering.
I read somewhere that Charlotte Gainsbourg came up with the song when she suffered a head trauma and had to go for MRI’s frequently over the course of 6 months. It was the loud clanking sounds that inspire the rhythm to the song.
Anyone who’s been inside one of those scary MRI machines knows about those sounds. They add to the already uncomfortable experience of being tied down and slid into a tunnel. The whole experience is unnerving. Luckily I am not allowed in those machines anymore because of my pacemaker/ defibrillator (no magnets please!).
By the time you’re reading this I will be in my appointment. Here’s to good news.
Sometimes I don’t go to sleep because I cannot (despite feeling exhausted). Thoughts that race through my mind keep me awake and staring at the ceiling until the sun comes up. It’s torture.
Sometimes I don’t go to bed and rest my body purposely because I am afraid of the bad dreams I’ll have. There are phases I go through where my dreams are so incredibly real and terrifying that I actually avoid sleeping so I won’t have to experience them. This isn’t so bad, I find something to do during the night and keep busy. Anything besides waking up in a sweaty panic.
Then there are nights like this one. Nights when there are so many emotions and so much information to process. It’s overwhelming. This happens every few weeks, I download my recent experiences and it all feels so… HEAVY. There’s always something new to accept or an obstacle to overcome mentally just to get through the day (most recently it’s been all about heart stuff again. I’m so afraid of my defibrillator firing). Instead of shutting down I seem to do the opposite. I am wired… like I can stay awake for days thinking, reading, researching, planning, figuring out my next steps. How do I get better? How do I fix my heart? It’s an obsession.
I’ll surely see the sun rise this morning. I’ll fall asleep to people starting their days, heels on the pavement, squeaky brakes of the garbage trucks, kids going to school. And I’ll wish that when I wake up everything is better. Like magic my heart works! Every time I close my eyes I’ll never stop wishing for that.
If I really believe in this it has to come true… Right?
I was at the Cleveland Clinic having my pacemaker defibrillator implanted in my chest.
